


Amnesia

by HWIAP



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Gen, Implied Gamrezi, Karezi-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HWIAP/pseuds/HWIAP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terezi confronts Karkat about something important, but it turns into something a lot more feelsy and painful for the redblood when his moirail butts in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by Tumblr user numacakes! I hope I did your idea justice!  
> And if I tagged something wrong, please let me know! >.

“Karkat, you CAN’T stay with him! He’s dangerous!” Her tone is pleading, begging you.

But you can’t break things off with him. As much of a shit moirail as he is, somebody has to keep him sane. And, as always, the responsibility to keep a team safe falls onto the leader’s shoulders.

Maybe this time you wouldn’t fuck up.

“You don’t get it, Terezi! If I break it off with him, he’ll go sober again! I can’t let that happen! Not again!” Something told you that the next time he snapped, it would be the end of everything.

She makes a noise of frustration, something between a scream and a groan. “He’s never STOPPED being sober! He just hides it around you!” What? Was she… Serious? “Karkat, Gamzee and I are-“

Everything she says suddenly fades to background noise as someone suddenly appears behind her, facepaint fucked and an olive-stained club in one hand. Before you can register what’s going on, what to do, you’re frozen in slow motion.

Your eyes are locked on the club slowly being raised up, over her head. You don’t know if she’s caught on to what’s about to happen. You’re too afraid to take your eyes from the weapon. As if you can keep it from making contact by just staring at it, terrified and silent.

You try to cry out to warn her, to tell her to duck or move or SOMETHING, but any sound you try to make is caught in your throat. Caught on your fear.

The reek of Nepeta’s dried blood is all you can smell as you watch the club make its slow descent. You know that, in the end, all of this is happening so much faster, in just a few seconds. But your mind is racing, your hot blood cold.

Then it’s over.

With a sickening CRACK! she’s on the ground and time is back to normal.

You stare at her body, limp and unmoving, with teal trickling from the spot of impact.

She’s dead.

Killed by your moirail.

Your best friend.

“Bitch was about to say something she shouldn’t. I DID YOU A MOTHERFUCKIN’ FAVOR, KARBRO. So stop lookin’ all down and shit, it’s harshing on a clown’s good mood.”

You barely register what he’s saying. All you get from it is that he killed her. The girl of your dreams. The girl you’ve been flushed for since before you even knew what being flushed WAS.

And he thought he did you a favor.

Before you know what you’re doing, you have your sickle and you’re lunging at him. You try to yell at him, show just how enraged you are, but the only sound you make is a strangled scream.

The next instant, you’ve got him pinned to the ground, blad of your sickle on his neck.

“B-Best friend?” He sounds like he always does, like he’s back on the pies. His eyes are wide, expression fearful and hurt.

You almost let him go.

But then you remember what he’s done.

What you’ve LET him do.

Without another hesitation, you slit his neck.

The, to make sure he STAYS dead, you plunge the tip of your sickle into his chest, right where his cold indigo bloodpumper is, and twist.

Feeling numb and drained, you pull out your bloodied weapon and throw it. You didn’t want anything that had taken the life of someone you considered a friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part apparently made one of my friends cry.  
> I felt so proud of myself.

You spend minutes in that hall, wondering what you were going to do next. Terezi was dead, killed by Gamzee. Gamzee was dead, killed by you.

You can’t just… Leave them there. At least, not Terezi. She at least deserved on of those ‘corpse parties’ Aradia had talked about.

You crawl over to her, sighing and brushing your fingers against her skin.

“Mmh…” A soft noise passes through her lips, and you stiffen. She’s… Alive? Holy fuck.

She’s alive.

There’s a chance to save her.

As carefully as possible, you scoop her up in your arms. Fuck, she was so small and light. You never realized how much you had changed. “You’re safe now, Terezi. I’ve got you. Everything’s going to be okay no.”

You continue to whisper to her as you head to Kanaya’s respiteblock, not caring that she wasn’t responding. She was alive, that’s all that matters.

Barely alive, but hopefully Kanaya could fix her.

“Karkat! What happened?!” For once, she doesn’t sound sarcastic or calm. There’s a tinge of panic, of worry. “Is she…?”

“She’s still alive, Kanaya. Barely, but…” You glance down at the teal blood, her perfect black hair matted and teal stained around the injury. “What can you do for her? CAN you do anything for her?”

Sensing your growing panic, Kanaya offers a strained smile and places a hand on your shoulder. “We will fix her, but you have to trsut us. You do trust us, don’t you, Karkat?”

You immediately nod. “Yeah. You’re the only one I’d trust for something like this. And if you trust Lalonde to help… Then I have to trust her. Just… Fix her?” Your voice cracks, and your grip on her tightens a bit. She responds with a quiet whine. “S-Sorry…” You quickly loosen your grip, placing a small kiss to her hairline.

“Set her on the bed. Then go get some sleep.”

You were already heading towards the bed, suddenly stopping. You turn to look at her, slowly shaking your head. “No. I’m not leaving her, Kanaya. I trust you, but you can’t-“

“I had meant in the cloth pile. My apologies for not making that clearer.” She gestures to a mound of clothing – a good amount of knitted clothes among the fabrics. “I would let you sleep with her, but she needs space. And Rose and I need room to work on her. I will wake you once she is doing better. You can explain what, exactly, happened then.”

You nod, slowly going to rest Terezi on Kanaya’s bed. Hopefully she wouoldn’t have nightmares… Or at least, hopefully she’s gotten used to them. “Sweet dreams, mighty dragoness,” you mumble, careful to keep quiet enough to not be heard by Kanaya.

Of course she knows about your flush crush, but you still didn’t want to show your soft side to anyone.

With Terezi being the exception, of course.

She was the only one allowed to see it. Ever.

After making sure she’s comfortable, you move to the pile. Then hesitate. You glance back at her, biting your lip. The only way you even knew she was still ALIVE was the faint rise and fall of her chest.

Even then, it was barely there.

“We will do our best to save her, Karkat. Now sleep. I can tell you need it.”

“Yeah… Okay, yeah. You’ll wake me up when she’s better?” You allow yourself to fall back into the pile, shifting so you can still see her.

“Yes, I will. Or Rose. One of us will wake you when she begins to stir.”

You nod, making yourself more comfortable. It takes a matter of seconds for you to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bored as I'm posting these so there's probably just going to be random comments at the beginning of each chapter. Maybe the end, too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my non-Homestuck friends offered me her blood if it would get me to finish this.

You don’t know how long you slept, but you do remember drifting in and out of consciousness.

The first time, Rose and Kanaya are talking. You couldn’t tell what it was about, but you remember their tones weren’t good.

The second time, Rose’s hands were practically coated in teal. It stood out against her weirdly pale skin and contrasted with the hideously orange garments she acquired from ascending to God Tier. There were bandages near the bed and Kanaya was nowhere in sight.

The third time, all you could see were their backs, Kanaya’s skin as bright as when she first turned. For her to be glowing like that, she must seriously be concentrating on something. Like not letting her rainbowdrinker instincts get the best of her.

Now you’re fully awake, with Kanaya crouched in front of you, blocking your view of Terezi. Her glow is gone, but she looks exhausted.

“Terezi…?” Her name’s more of a croak,, and you quickly clear your throat. “Is she okay…?” Your voice is a quiet grate, sounding less harsh than usual.

“She is fine. And lucky. Her blood is what kept her alive. She is currently asleep. Still. She has not once woken up…” For a moment, she looks extremely worried. Then the expression is gone. “But that is bound to be normal. She lost quite a bit of blood. What happened?”

You bite your lip, trying to look around your friend.

She keeps shifting to block your view.

Looks like you have no choice but to tell her.

“Gamzee happened. He came out of nowhere and hit her in the head… She was just about to tell me something… Then she was on the ground. She looked DEAD, Kanaya.” You had completely forgotten about the thing she was going to say.

But that didn’t matter. Not now.

“I can tell that there is more to the story. I understand if you do not wish to say, but-“

“I killed him.” The three words come out shaky and rushed, but by her expression, you can tell she heard. “I-… I killed my moirail…” As the reality of that sets in, you feel sick. The stench of blood, the sight of it pouring from his chest, coating your sickle.

You gag back the bile, getting up and running, only just barely managing to reach the load gaper before you hurl. It stings your throat, makes your eyes tear up, but the retching doesn’t stop until your stomach is perfectly empty.

As you come back to your senses, you feel a hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles into it. It wasn’t cold. The only things your temperature were the humans.

“Kanaya went to get you some water and bread to get rid of the acid. And I’m sure you’re starving after this.”

You numbly nod, flushing away your sick. Your stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself, but the thought of actually eating made you feel even sicker. “Yeah, thanks…” Fuck, your throat hurt, too. It was rough and scratchy, still stinging from the bile.

“You had every right to do what you did, you know. I personally think he should’ve been locked up somewhere to keep everyone safe. But I don’t know how things are dealt with in your culture.”

You don’t reply to that, too focused on not thinking about the look Gamzee gave you before you killed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some really weird people.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the reversed writer's block. Like I can't stop writing.

You’re brought out of your stupor by a cool hand on your shoulder. “Drink, it will help you feel better.” You take the cup being pushed into your grasp, but Kanaya has to lead it to your mouth before you take a sip.

It definitely helps your stomach and throat, but you’re still stuck in a deep dark hole of your pain and regret. There were so many ways you could have stopped him. Could have saved Terezi from that blow to the head.

There had to have been a way for you to fight Gamzee without killing him.

No, you were CERTAIN there was a way.

You didn’t have to kill him. It wasn’t necessary.

“Karkat, I know what you are doing. Stop thinking. What’s done is done and there is no changing that. There is nothing you could have done differently. Terezi already informed me on Gamzee’s mental state, and I agree with her wholeheartedly. If you had not killed him, he would have-“

“You didn’t see his face! Don’t tell me that kind of thing when you didn’t even fucking SEE him!” The shouting makes your throat burn and you quickly drink some more of the water. “Sorry… I hadn’t meant to yell at you…” Your voice is back to scratchy and coarse, like sandpaper.

“It is fine. Just eat your bread and go sit beside Terezi. You will most likely be the first person she wants to see.” She offers a small smile, but you can tell it’s strained. It’s obvious.

But you ignore that and sigh, forcing yourself to eat the few slices of bread. You weren’t hungry. You were less hungry than before. You were tired and numb and wanted everything to be better.

Without saying anything else, you push yourself to your feet and trudge over to the bed, falling back to your knees once there. You had no idea where Rose went, but you didn’t care.

The only thing you cared about, the only thing you have ever REALLY cared about, was the teal blooded troll girl asleep in front of you. Terezi Pyrope. Sharp and dangerous, she was all you’ve ever really wanted. Is all you will ever want.

She isn’t dead.

Not yet.

One hand reaches to brush away some of her bangs, and that’s when you notice the bright white bandages on her head. They looked fairly thick.

Fuck.

She seriously got lucky.

“I’m sorry, ‘Rez… Fuck, I’m so sorry…” You bring the tips of your fingers along her cheek, soft and slow. She was cool, but she wasn’t cold.

She softly mumbles, a soft sigh passing her lips. A small smile tugs on your frown, but the stinging in your eyes gets worse. You press a soft kiss to her forehead, opaque red making trails down your face.

Before your tears can fall from you to her, you back off. She needed sleep. Not some pathetic mutant crying on her. You rub at your eyes, trying to get the tears to stop, but that just makes them race down your cheeks faster.

You tell yourself she’s fine, she’s alive, that you don’t have a reason to be silently bawling your eyes out. But the tears still fall, leaving you a quivering mess by the side of the bed, sniffling to yourself and stubbornly rubbing your face on your sweater sleeve.

“Mnnnh…”

The soft noise catches your ears, and you quickly look up at her perfectly sharp and beautiful face, the tears coming to a stop.

“Nngh…”

You sit properly, your eyes wide and watching carefully as she brings a hand up to rub her eyes. She sniffs a little, makes a face, then turns her head to look at you.

“What happened…? Who’re you…? What’re you doing in Kanaya’s block…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That shit messes up your wrists. Especially when you're literally writing. All day during school. And you have a tight as hell grip.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uggggggggh.

Your heart sinks, your semi-hopeful face replaced by one of pure anguish. She… Doesn’t remember you? How’s that possible? She remembered Kanaya… But not you?

“T-Terezi?” Your voice cracks, tears welling up again. Had it been anyone else, you wouldn’t be this crushed. You wouldn’t CARE. But this was Terezi.

And she didn’t remember you.

“Yeah? That’s me. How do you know my name? And where’s Kanaya?” Her tone’s sharper now and she narrows her blank eyes at you. They were worse than her shades. Colder. More terrifying. “What did you do to her? To me?”

“I-I-“ You odn’t know what to say. What was someone supposed to say to the person they loved if they didn’t even remember them? “I’ll… Go get her…” you mumble, getting up and slinking off to find Kanaya. Or maybe Rose. Either one, you didn’t care. You just wanted this FIXED.

You find both of them in a separate room, not talking, just reading.

“Karkat? What happened? You-“

“She… She doesn’t remember me. She remembers you, though…” The sharp pain is starting to drain away, being replaced by a hollow numbness.

Rose is immediately out the door, most likely to go check on Terezi, leaving you alone with Kanaya. Your eyes are fixated on the ground, the stinging back in your eyes. You can feel Kanaya’s eyes on you, picking you apart, but you pretend to not notice.

After a couple seconds of tense silence, she finally says something. “She is more than likely in shock and has temporary amnesia.” As much as you want to believe her, you can’t. It didn’t seem possible for her to only temporarily forget one person. “We should go check on her.” Your head snaps up, and you quickly shake your head. You didn’t want to go back there. “Too bad. You have no choice.”

She walks past you, grabbing the back of your sweater as she does, and drags you out.

“- you sure?” Rose had apparently been in the middle of asking a question when the two of you intrude.

Terezi lets out a huff of annoyance, her arms crossed and narrowed eyes locked on you. “Yes, I’m absolutely sure I don't know him, Rose. The only candy-bloods I know are you and Dave. And John, if threatening him once counts. I never really talked to Jade much.”

There was no way this was temporary. It couldn’t be. If she remembered everyone and not you…

Her memory of you was gone for good.

“You’ve never heard of someone named Karkat Vantas? Or a Trollian tag of carcinoGeneticist?”

Another huff, accompanied by a curt nod. “I’m sure, Rose! What the hell is this about, anyways?”

Instead of answering her question, Rose continues with the interrogation. “What do you remember before blacking out?”

“I was walking in the hallway! That’s all!”

“Gamzee?” You flinch at the name, feeling sick again. Kanaya notices, raising a quizzical eyebrow at you. A small shake of the head is your only response. “What about you and him?

What? Your head snaps to look at Rose, wondering what she was talking about. The two of them rarely talked! Sure, she wasn’t a fan of him, but they never hung out!

“Ugh, Rose, I’ve told you before! We don’t need an auspistice!” One of her hands goes to touch the bandage, a small scowl pulling at her features. “Okay, well, if he’s going around trying to bash my head in, then maybe it’s time I stop messing around and kill him already.”

Things finally click, and you go rigid. That’s what she was going to tell you.

Gamzee tried to kill her because he didn’t want you to know they were black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUUUUUUN.  
> SURPRISING PLOT TWIST WE ALL KNEW ABOUT.  
> I'm sorry, I had a long day of school and a Pre-Cal test and I'm tired and BLUH.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M DONE.  
> IT'S DONE.

You want to say something, ANYTHING, about what you felt. But you can’t. Your throat’s gone dry and you can’t feel your tongue.

This is too much.

As if oblivious to your issue, Rose carries on. “What was your reason for starting a kismessistude with him?”

“I already-“

“Answer the question.”

Terezi groans and falls back on the bed, being as dramatic as ever. “I hadn’t meant to! I was going there to talk to him about-“ She suddenly stops talking, a look of confusion coming over her. Slowly, she sits up, her eyebrows furrowed. “About… Someone? I was… Trying to protect… Someone.”

“Do you remember anything about this ‘someone’?”

While Terezi thought about that, Kanaya mumbled into your ear, “In case you are too shocked or as oblivious to things as ever, this mystery ‘someone’ is you. She had come to me after her confrontation went black.”

“Sh-… She never said anything to me… She never told me…” You were too drained to get mad at her, too numb to even feel angry. It wasn’t her fault she never said anything, you two never talked.

But that was your own fault.

You’d usually get pissed at yourself at this point, but you’re too exhausted to even do that.

“How long…?”

“Shortly after the humans joined us to begin our trek. According to her-“

Before she can finish, Terezi speaks up, sounding frustrated and confused. “I can’t remember… I know it’s a him… And that I’m really close with him… Maybe Dave?” Even though she doesn’t remember you, it still hurts to know she thinks of Dave like she thinks of you.

Except she prefers Strider.

He never fucked things up. “Do you really think you would do that? Does Dave seem like-“

“I don’t know! I can’t remember! All I know is that I’m red for him! I confronted Gamzee because I didn’t want him to hurt the troll I’m flushed for!” She blinks, realizing something. “He’s a troll… But I’m not flushed for any of the guys I remember…” Her face slowly turns towards you, confusion and pain evident. “You?”

Kanaya gently nudges you, catching you off guard. She nudges you again, this time properly pushing you closer to Terezi.

The blind girl responds by tensing, her lips curling back in a snarl.

But it’s gone the next second, and she looks just as exhausted as you feel. She scoots over on the bed and pats a spot, indicating for you to sit.

You do.

“Rose, I believe we have work to get back to?”

“Hm?” Rose looks from Terezi to Kanaya, and you see the split-second long confusion there. “Oh! Yes! We do! We’ll just leave you two here to mingle.”

Then they’re gone, leaving you and Terezi alone in Kanaya’s respiteblock.

After minutes of awkward and ridiculously tense silence, Terezi speaks up. She sounds a little too shy, a little too cautious and afraid. “You’re… Karkat, right? Karkat Vantas?”

You shift to be facing her, surprised to see she’s already done the same. She may sound nervous, but she certainly doesn’t look it. Her entire body’s facing you, her legs criss-crossed and her hands shoved into the hole her legs create. She’s slightly leaning towards you, her face set in a concentrated stare.

It’s… Actually pretty cute.

“Yeah.” You wanted to tell her more about yourself, everything about yourself, but you refrain. This was time for her to relearn you.

It was a second chance, in a sense.

“Mind if I call you Karkles? It’s way less boring than Karkat.”

She’s sounding a little more like herself, and a small smile curls your lips. You nod, letting your chapped lips turn up in a way they haven’t for a while. Fuck, you had missed hearing that.

“Not at all, Terezi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now to see how long I can keep the computer for 'homework' before I get kicked off.


End file.
